I am a member of the cultral council in our community and we have an important meeting coming up next month on the allocation of state funds for a variety of local cultural organizations who have submitted request for grants. Our chairman though it would be a great idea to have a potluck dinner at his home to discuss the proposals and how we might distribute the funds. In his invitation to this potluck, he referrred to it as a potlatch.
To which I replied:
As to this potlatch. this is actually a Native American tradition. a ceremonial feast held by some Indians of the northwestern coast of North America (as in celebrating a marriage or a new accession) in which the host gives gifts to tribesmen and others to display his superior wealth (sometimes, formerly, to his own impoverishment).
So, unless you plan to spend all of your fortune to provide us with a feast we will soon not forget, I suspect a potlatch may be a bit over the top. However, I can step up and provide some traditional Cherokee dishes that might excite the palates and titillate the tongues. Here are some dishes I can offer:
Appetizer: Yellow Jacket Poppers. These are delicious. My grandmother on the reservation used to fix these for me to eat when I came home from elementary school where White teachers were trying to teach us the most atrocious English to replace our beautiful Cherokee language. Recipe: We collect the larvae of the yellow jackets from their nests and roast them in the clay ovens. The larvae swell up, brown and then "pop open" on one side. they are to die for. Sprinkle with salt and savor. They taste like a combination of popcorn and bacon. Nobody can eat just one.
Squirrel Dumplings: Let me just say this, nothing on earth tastes quite like a squirrel. I know, I know, there are some diehards who claim that voles have the same deep, dark rich taste, especially when skewered and deepfat fried, but then anything deepfat fried tends to taste pretty good which is why we indulge our predilection for French Fries and corn dogs, but even the most bigoted roadie-lover has to admit that the vole has too little body fat to add any real flavor, much less the oily succulence of squirrel butt. Recipe: 4 or 5 squirrels, 7 cups water, 2 cups day old coffee, 5 or 6 cloves of garlic, onions, ramps, carrots, potatoes, green and red peppers, sage, basil, thyme, and 1/2 cup of moonshine. 1 cup of Irish whiskey can be substituted for the moonshine. Allow squirrel stew to cook at least 6 hours. Prepare dumplings and drop spoon-sized clumps into stew and allow to cook for about 20-30 minutes. Serve over whole grain brown rice which, we sincerely hope, you have previously cooked.
Bathtub Brown Bear Butt: Well, I know what you are all thinking. Back on the reservation, my whole damn family has been having the same controversial argument for half a century: Which is better? Backyard shoulder or bathtub butt? There are good arguments on both sides but I have to come down on the side of bathtub butt.
OK. So, first, we go hunting and kill a brown bear. We bring the carcass to our back yard, rope it on a cross pole between the two oaks Great Uncle ManKiller planted after the victory against the whites in 1783, and then we skin that sucker down. Some say the meat tastes best if you butcher it then and there. That produces your backyard shoulder. Slow cook that somabitch on low coals for 12-18 hours and there’s nothing that melts more in your mouth and makes you want to suck yellow root for a week. Once you taste that truly delicious meat, Eve is redeemed and you are forever condemned to hell.
Howsomever. There is something even more delicious. Bathtub Brown Bear Butt. Here’s how you fix it: Cut down the carcass, cart it back to your bathroom, and dump it in your bathtub (which you have previously scoured with Ajax). Make sure you have the plug in place. Dump in 5 pounds of salt (If you’re in NYC, by all means use Kosher salt). Add 1 gallon of moonshine or 4 1.75 Liters of Tullamore Due. Put in a bush of sage, several pounds of wisi (a wild mushroom that grows all over the reservation) and a tote or two of ramps (this is the wild onion that also grows all over the reservation). Fill the bathtuf with water. Let soak for at least eight hours. (Try not to take a dump during this period as you don’t want to influence the eventual flavor and aroma of the bear meat.)
After allowing the bear carcass to marinate for a suitable period, drain the bathtub and butcher your bear. Wrap and freeze the parts you will be cooking or selling to unsuspecting whites later. Section and cut the fat layers into blocks. Wrap and freeze about 3/4. Reserve 1/4. Divide the bear butt and give one half to the family that has that cute young thing you are planning to romance and seduce later. Place your bear butt in the smoker. Stoke the smoke with only hard woods: oak is besk, ash is outstanding, maple is, well, maple. You can also add apple chips and cherry wood. Avoid birch and use pine only to spark up the flame when the hard woods are reluctant. Smoke for a minimum of eight hours.
Now, here’s the secret. Take the 1/4 bear fat you have previously reserved and put in a cast iron skillet. Render the fat. Add chopped ramps, onions, green peppers, celery, and a scotch or cherry peppers finely chopped. When all have softened and glazed and the fat is cheerily bubbling away, drop in your smoked bear butt and brown on all side. Turn and turn. Get it soaked, smoked, and oilly doped. Splash with some moonshine and drop in a mash. Make it flame then platter and slice. Serve that sucker on a bed of mashed potatoes, drippin’s gravy, and wilted spinach.
On the other hand, if none of these incredibly delicious Cherokee Indian dishes appeal to you, I could bring a traditional Cherokee Indian rice pudding. I took the liberty of checking, and yes, elderberry, skunk blossoms, and hucklenut roots are in season so I do have all of the ingredients. Including the quart of moonshine.
So, unless you plan to spend all of your fortune to provide us with a feast we will soon not forget, I suspect a potlatch may be a bit over the top. However, I can step up and provide some traditional Cherokee dishes that might excite the palates and titillate the tongues. Here are some dishes I can offer:
Appetizer: Yellow Jacket Poppers. These are delicious. My grandmother on the reservation used to fix these for me to eat when I came home from elementary school where White teachers were trying to teach us the most atrocious English to replace our beautiful Cherokee language. Recipe: We collect the larvae of the yellow jackets from their nests and roast them in the clay ovens. The larvae swell up, brown and then "pop open" on one side. they are to die for. Sprinkle with salt and savor. They taste like a combination of popcorn and bacon. Nobody can eat just one.
Squirrel Dumplings: Let me just say this, nothing on earth tastes quite like a squirrel. I know, I know, there are some diehards who claim that voles have the same deep, dark rich taste, especially when skewered and deepfat fried, but then anything deepfat fried tends to taste pretty good which is why we indulge our predilection for French Fries and corn dogs, but even the most bigoted roadie-lover has to admit that the vole has too little body fat to add any real flavor, much less the oily succulence of squirrel butt. Recipe: 4 or 5 squirrels, 7 cups water, 2 cups day old coffee, 5 or 6 cloves of garlic, onions, ramps, carrots, potatoes, green and red peppers, sage, basil, thyme, and 1/2 cup of moonshine. 1 cup of Irish whiskey can be substituted for the moonshine. Allow squirrel stew to cook at least 6 hours. Prepare dumplings and drop spoon-sized clumps into stew and allow to cook for about 20-30 minutes. Serve over whole grain brown rice which, we sincerely hope, you have previously cooked.
Bathtub Brown Bear Butt: Well, I know what you are all thinking. Back on the reservation, my whole damn family has been having the same controversial argument for half a century: Which is better? Backyard shoulder or bathtub butt? There are good arguments on both sides but I have to come down on the side of bathtub butt.
OK. So, first, we go hunting and kill a brown bear. We bring the carcass to our back yard, rope it on a cross pole between the two oaks Great Uncle ManKiller planted after the victory against the whites in 1783, and then we skin that sucker down. Some say the meat tastes best if you butcher it then and there. That produces your backyard shoulder. Slow cook that somabitch on low coals for 12-18 hours and there’s nothing that melts more in your mouth and makes you want to suck yellow root for a week. Once you taste that truly delicious meat, Eve is redeemed and you are forever condemned to hell.
Howsomever. There is something even more delicious. Bathtub Brown Bear Butt. Here’s how you fix it: Cut down the carcass, cart it back to your bathroom, and dump it in your bathtub (which you have previously scoured with Ajax). Make sure you have the plug in place. Dump in 5 pounds of salt (If you’re in NYC, by all means use Kosher salt). Add 1 gallon of moonshine or 4 1.75 Liters of Tullamore Due. Put in a bush of sage, several pounds of wisi (a wild mushroom that grows all over the reservation) and a tote or two of ramps (this is the wild onion that also grows all over the reservation). Fill the bathtuf with water. Let soak for at least eight hours. (Try not to take a dump during this period as you don’t want to influence the eventual flavor and aroma of the bear meat.)
After allowing the bear carcass to marinate for a suitable period, drain the bathtub and butcher your bear. Wrap and freeze the parts you will be cooking or selling to unsuspecting whites later. Section and cut the fat layers into blocks. Wrap and freeze about 3/4. Reserve 1/4. Divide the bear butt and give one half to the family that has that cute young thing you are planning to romance and seduce later. Place your bear butt in the smoker. Stoke the smoke with only hard woods: oak is besk, ash is outstanding, maple is, well, maple. You can also add apple chips and cherry wood. Avoid birch and use pine only to spark up the flame when the hard woods are reluctant. Smoke for a minimum of eight hours.
Now, here’s the secret. Take the 1/4 bear fat you have previously reserved and put in a cast iron skillet. Render the fat. Add chopped ramps, onions, green peppers, celery, and a scotch or cherry peppers finely chopped. When all have softened and glazed and the fat is cheerily bubbling away, drop in your smoked bear butt and brown on all side. Turn and turn. Get it soaked, smoked, and oilly doped. Splash with some moonshine and drop in a mash. Make it flame then platter and slice. Serve that sucker on a bed of mashed potatoes, drippin’s gravy, and wilted spinach.
On the other hand, if none of these incredibly delicious Cherokee Indian dishes appeal to you, I could bring a traditional Cherokee Indian rice pudding. I took the liberty of checking, and yes, elderberry, skunk blossoms, and hucklenut roots are in season so I do have all of the ingredients. Including the quart of moonshine.
Citizen Poet 